I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
