I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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