The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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