There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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