hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
