Can Purell be used as lube?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
