I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
