Swine flu. Run for my life!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Im part way to drunk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
