it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Randomize
