he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
