People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
