What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
