Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
