I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
