Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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