It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
