Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
