I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize