I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I need moral support for this bender
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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