Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
