meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
