What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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