do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
