brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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