The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
