that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
