I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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