he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
