Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The beer is more important than you right now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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