You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
