I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
