My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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