my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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