I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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