I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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