wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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