SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
