my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
