she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
