I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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