that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
