I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
