i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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