if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
