Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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