I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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