yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
