Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
