I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
