I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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