she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
