No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
