If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize