So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
