It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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