He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
