I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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