He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I skipped work to stalk him.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize