Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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