is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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