You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
