he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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