Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
