Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
