I have demons in me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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