Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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