I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
