i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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