Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
smell my finger.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
