he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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