New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
