I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Randomize
