in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize