Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The feeling are messing with the penis
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
