WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
