ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
