Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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