All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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