You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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