I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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