yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
