spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
