Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
