Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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