i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
