Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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