I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
