My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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