He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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